My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
