It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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