I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
