so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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