I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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