something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
