Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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