You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
