I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
