I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This toilet bowl is my home.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
