I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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