I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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