how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
