Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize