Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
