I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
