i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
