dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
