My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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