can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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