Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
