but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
