He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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