3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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