I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
