Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Found your dick twin last night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize