My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
