Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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