it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize