Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
