dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
