She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
