yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
