yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
