I bet he comes in French.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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