he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
