You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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