Farmville is her only friend.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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