This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
