I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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