Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
