wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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