so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
