Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
