I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
