Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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