I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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