He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
