I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
