New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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