I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize