Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just forgot I was standing up.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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