dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize