Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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