And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
accomplished twins. life is a go
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
