a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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