Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
