So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
