Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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