fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
