He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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