Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
