I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
