well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
