Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
