You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize