To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
