I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
