I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
