YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
