I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
