john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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