he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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