Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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