Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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