so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize