yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
