took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
