The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
