the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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