just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
