NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
