I can't watch pbs sober anymore
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
