we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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