I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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