YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
