just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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