Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
