I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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