Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
