Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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