the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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