'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
