This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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