vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
