I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
