he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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