NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize