I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
