These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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