Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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