I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize