I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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